Phnom Penh, Cambodia: Growing up in the Midwest of the US, I took it as a given that when you went outside there were bugs. Often, biting ones like mosquitos. The more good humored states would declare mosquitos alternative state birds and some states like Maine seemed to have black flies the size of small dogs. I assumed that this was the case everywhere around the world.
The first hole in the global bug conspiracy appeared in the late ’80s when I was in graduate school. The German students were amazed that we had screens over our doors and windows, and in one instance even walked through a screen door because he was not used to them. When I asked if they needed screens to keep out bugs, his expression looked like I had asked if they needed shields to keep out Emperor Zelgon from planet Zorg.
Later, when I began to travel to the West Coast for work I discovered that this was also a bug free enclave. So, I began to think that there was a global conspiracy against people east of the Rocky Mountains in the US. Everyone else didn’t have bugs, but they managed to convince us that life with bugs was normal.
On this trip, I knew that I would finally encounter the massive bug swarms of yore as I traveled the world. But, no, when I went to Morocco, no bugs. OK, it is very dry there, I can let it go. But, Tanzania? No bugs in the middle of Africa? Hmmm…I’m starting to think there is something going on.
Next was the Indian sub-continent and Southeast Asia. Again, bug free. I encountered nary a mosquito or other flying bug in all of India or Thailand. I was confident that I would see something in Australia, since everything there wants to kill you. I just knew there would be airborne ambassadors of death.
Again, no. There were cockroaches aplenty in the airbnb where Kelly and I stayed, but no outdoor bugs.
OK, final test – Cambodia. There have to be great swarms of mosquitos in Cambodia. Nope. We have seen one or two, but that is it. I am forced to conclude that the rest of the world does not have bugs, and that they just go along with us morons who grew up east of the Rocky Mountains so that we don’t feel too bad.
Either that, or I need to come back in rainy season. Maybe when the Flat Earthers crack the nut on that whole spherical earth thing they can look into the Global Bug Conspiracy next.